


Yours To Keep (Yours To Lose)

by halfsweet



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Forbidden Love, Implied Sexual Content, Infidelity, M/M, romeo and juliet-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-11 00:37:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12923559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfsweet/pseuds/halfsweet
Summary: This is wrong. He has a girlfriend--afiance-- waiting back home. His girlfriend who loves him, who is wonderful and loving and patient andloyalto him.And yet here he is, being passionately made love to by his ex-boyfriend.





	Yours To Keep (Yours To Lose)

**Author's Note:**

> okay I was listening to Taylor's "So It Goes" and this happened oops
> 
> (unedited)

He shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be sneaking out of his house in the middle of the night to go to a hotel. He shouldn't be laying on a bed with someone other than his girlfriend. He shouldn't be clinging on to said someone tight as someone is kissing down his neck while slowly and gently thrusting into him.

_“B- Brendon--”_

A wet gasp tears at his throat, and he muffles the sound by biting down on Brendon's shoulder above him.

This is wrong. He has a girlfriend-- _a fiance_ \-- waiting back home. His girlfriend who loves him, who is wonderful and loving and patient and _loyal_ to him.

And yet here he is, being passionately made love to by his ex-boyfriend.

Tears prickle at the back of his eyes as he pulls Brendon closer, his nails digging into Brendon's slippery and sweaty back as Brendon pushes more and more moans out of him.

“Baby, hey.” Brendon murmurs, stopping his movement to brush the hair out of his face and lean down to kiss him on the forehead. “What's the matter?”

He shakes his head, throat tightening from restrained sobs and words. Instead, he hides his face in the crook of Brendon's neck, urging him to move.

Brendon doesn't move, his forehead creasing in worry. “Baby, come on. Talk to me.”

“Please.” He croaks as he wraps his legs around Brendon to get him to move. “Brendon. Please.”

For a moment, Brendon stays still, but he eventually moves his hips slow, picking up the previous rhythm right before he stopped.

“We'll talk about it later, okay?” Brendon softly whispers to him, and it makes his chest ache, his _heart_ ache at what they're doing.

Brendon shouldn't be loving to him. Brendon shouldn't be slow and gentle on him. Brendon should fuck him raw and rough. Brendon should be full of _lust_ , not _love_.

The more Brendon pushes into him, the closer he gets to the edge, his stomach swirling with a balloon of warmth that's just waiting to be popped. He tries to push all thoughts of his head and focus on the pleasure, on the feeling of Brendon above him, _inside_ him.

A particular hard thrust against his spot forces him to squeeze his eyes shut and tense in overwhelming pleasure. Brendon is panting, grunting and groaning and running his hand up and down his side, gentle and soft and warm.

The moment is so good, so _perfect_. It's just the two of them in the dark and sleeping world, only protected and enclosed and witnessed by the walls of the hotel room.

Brendon's pace is getting erratic; they're both close, he knows it. Brendon knows how to bring him to the edge, Brendon knows him inside and out like the back of his hand, Brendon knows everything he needs with just a glance.

And even when he falls--breaks, _shatters_ \--into pieces, scratching down Brendon's back to keep himself together, the pieces still fall into place. Making him whole again.

Brendon pulls him to his chest when they're done, his warm body and beating heart right under his ear. Brendon's fingers are grazing on his back, smooth like honey. “Baby?”

His shoulders are shaking, unable to stop the sobs from wracking his entire body, and he ducks his head to avoid his tears from being seen by Brendon.

But Brendon pulls back to look at him, and his hands immediately fly up to his face to rub the tears gathering in his eyes.

“Baby, come on.” Brendon coos, one hand brushing his sweaty hair before he presses a kiss on his forehead. “Talk to me.”

“This is wrong.” He eventually musters out after his breathing and sobs have calmed down. “Brendon, this is wrong.”

Brendon's sigh echoes against the walls, mixed with his own occasional quiet sobs. “Patrick…”

“I'm serious.” He pulls his hands down to look at Brendon. His heart clenches. Brendon, his ex-boyfriend, but also his _love_. “Brendon, you're married, and I'm getting married, and--”

His words are cut off as Brendon kisses him, his body growing soft underneath. It has always been like this when it comes to Brendon. His body, his heart, his soul-- they surrender and bow down before him. Brendon can break him again and again, and he would still come back for him.

But Brendon never breaks him, not even once.

“You know I love you, right?” Brendon asks once he's pulled away, looking into his eyes.

He averts his gaze. He knows. Of course he knows, the whole world knows, but that doesn't mean everyone is accepting of their relationship.

His family doesn't.

And Brendon's family certain doesn't.

“Patrick.” Brendon calls his name softly and cups his face. “I've never loved her. I've never loved anyone but you.”

“This is still wrong.” His voice is just above a whisper, like one octave higher and the world around them would break. “Brendon, your _wife_ is _pregnant_.”

“Because our families wanted us to have kids.” Brendon replies, full of regret and frustration. “And she wasn't being any help either. Kept insisting me to sleep with her and talking about babies.”

“But, Patrick, I swear--” Brendon continues as he gazes into his eyes, “it was only one time to get everyone off my back. And even then, I was thinking of you.”

He shakes his head as he wills for his sobs to die down. No matter how Brendon puts it, it's still not right.

“Did…” Brendon speaks up when silence falls between them. “Did you-- and her--”

A bitter chuckle escapes his lips. He can't. No matter what his girlfriend does, he just _can't_. He can't _cheat_ on Brendon. “I told her I was ace.”

Even though Brendon tries to be indifferent, but the way Brendon's body relaxes against him tells him that he's relieved. He wants to laugh, but it comes out as a silent, choked sob.

“How did she take it?”

He rubs his flushed face. “She said it was fine. She still loves me either way.”

That's why he feels guilty every time he's meeting Brendon. He doesn't deserve her. She's kind and sweet and everything a man wants, but she's just not who he wants. _Loves_.

“Baby--”

He shakes his head, interrupting Brendon. “We can't. We're having our own families soon, and--”

“You what?”

His heart drops when he realizes what he just said, and he looks up to see Brendon's face full of disbelief and shock and sadness, and, god, _God_ , _he doesn't deserve Brendon._

“You… you're going to have a family with her?”

“She brought back home adoption papers the other day.” He confesses with a whisper, dropping his gaze from the heartbreak reflected in Brendon's eyes.

Brendon is quiet next to him for a while, and in those moments, his chest feels like it's about to explode from the anticipation of what Brendon has to say about it.

“What did you say?” Brendon eventually asks, his tone neutral, but his expression betrays the curiosity that he has.

He shrugs, looking down at the sheets between them. “I told her I'd think about it.”

“Do you want to?”

He grits his teeth, hot tears beginning to burn the back of his eyelids. “I _don't_. Brendon, I _don't_ love her. Having kids with her is-- I just don't.”

“Let's run away,” Brendon says, not missing a beat as he sits up on the bed and holds his hand. “Together. You and me. Us. Far away.”

He laughs, mirthless and dry. “They're going to hunt us down in every crook. We'll have nowhere to hide.”

“Then we'll keep running.” Brendon insists, gripping his hand tighter as if to convince him. “I don't mind, as long as we're together.”

The same ache returns at the back of his throat. It won't work. If they're caught together again by their families, then they'll never see each other again. He doesn't want to risk that. He wants to keep seeing Brendon. Even in secret. Even in once every few months.

But they've never gone far longer than a few months. They'll always find a way to return back into each other's arms in a few weeks, in the confines of a rented room.

“Patrick.” Brendon calls his name, gentle, placing careful fingers under his chin to tilt his head up. “Do you trust me?”

Unable to speak without his voice breaking, he gives a small nod, and that seems enough of an answer for Brendon.

He'll always trust Brendon.

“Then we'll run away the first thing in the morning.” Brendon tells him, like he's been planning it all this time. “We'll leave our phones behind. We'll take the train. We'll go anywhere. We'll be free.”

Will they, though?

He closes his eyes, swallowing the lump in his throat and squeezing Brendon's hand.

“Okay.”

Even when he knows Brendon's plan wouldn't work, he's still going to say yes anyway. Because his entire being belongs to Brendon. His body. His soul.

His heart.

Brendon wraps his arm around him, kissing the crown of his head. “I'll keep you safe, I promise.”

He soaks up the silence and peace for one last time. Because when the dawn breaks, there will be no more like it.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I'm working on the next part of parallel au but I just,,,have so much going on at work im so sorry


End file.
